What is Normal Anyhow?

 

 

WARNING: This post will be a lot of me getting feelings out and just rambling. Today is one of those days I warned about so please bear with me.

These days are filled with trying to figure out what a new normal is for myself. Growing up, there was always one person who was in my corner no matter what I did or how I acted. Going forward, I am going to want to pick up the phone when Outlaw and I finally decide to tie the knot, but I won't be able to share that with her. I'll want to pick up the phone when her first great-grandchild is graduating from high school, so she can be there to cheer him on like she did with her grandkids. However, we will have her there in spirit soon and I am trying to figure out how to navigate all these upcoming events.

Not going to lie, today has been a day where I didn't want to do anything. You see, over the last few weeks, my family has been dealing with that my grandmother is closer and closer to reuniting with her late husband and oldest daughter. This has been a very rough for everyone involved. 

My son and my family have been helping to take care of her. During this time, I have not been able to help as I was working, lost my job, been looking for a new one, and taking care of our family animals due to their sheer size. This has not been easy as my grandmother is 4 hours away and I cannot just hop in the car and go to see her. 

Even though this is a dark time in our lives, I know she is stubborn. She definitely passed that trait onto all of us as Outlaw can definitely vouch for if he were asked. Even when I know I shouldn't do something. If someone says I can't do it because of reasons other than I just shouldn't because it is not safe, I will work that much harder to achieve said goal. 

My grandmother is the example I follow. For her, she was a widow at a young age. She lost my grandfather 41 years ago this year. She was only 55 years old. Instead of giving in and feeling as though she couldn't fend for herself, she worked hard, had faith and showed me just how to be an independent woman. She was also a role model for my faith. She was always there to give us advice but also was my best friend. If I wasn't at home, you could probably find me at her house. 

I know I have wasted so many opportunities to spend time with her over the last few years, but I cherish the moments I had with her. From remembering old stories of spicy meatloaf at Disney, when she couldn't remember anything else due to the effects of the strokes and the Alzheimer's and Dementia, to the many memories of games and puzzles and sleepovers at her house.

I will always love you Granny. I know one day I will see you again and you will no longer be in pain and be able to do all the things you loved once again!